Did you know that your life’s success in all areas is directly
related to having a healthy self-esteem? You’ve heard the cliché
“You are what you eat.” Many would also argue that “You are what
you think.”
Nathaniel Brandon, one of the most notable psychologists on
self-esteem put it nicely: “There is no value-judgment more
important to manno factor more decisive in his psychological
development & motivation than the estimate he passes on himself.”
It is the secret or “hidden self-esteem” in particular, that
will get you through those very dark spots. It will enable you
to find a valuable lesson each time you face an obstacle.
The hidden or secret self-esteem is how you feel about yourself
deep down. It is the most accurate description of how you feel,
regardless of what obstacles are thrown in your path.
If it’s strong, then you will be able to deal better with stress
and your relationships. You’ll be successful by your own
standards and have no need to boast about it. Your surface self-
esteem, however, can vary widely depending on the day of the
week. It’s a temporary feeling.
Environmental factors can play a role in how you view yourself.
It most certainly did for me. For example (the very short
version), I felt essentially fatherless. I got called weird a
lot growing up (and fat, too!).
Artists, musicians, and the mathematically inclined tend to be
labeled as eccentric. I am all three! Teenagers generally
ridiculed eccentricity in my environment back then.
Honestly, I don’t believe my secret nor surface self-esteem was
as healthy as it could be in all areas until I was finished with
schoolGraduate School!
So how did I get from there to here?
Let’s look at some strategies that I used and see if any or all
them can get you on the road to developing or strengthening your
self-esteem. Here are seven of them:
1. Clear out the junk: This means anything hurtful and
unconstructive that you’ve been told by someone you care(d)
about (or even some you didn’t) is to be taken with a grain of
salt. It’s one thing to be given constructive criticism in life,
but quite another when people are downright mean about it.
Remember it’s the offending party’s issue. NOT yours.
2. Related to #1: List first why you believe the negativity you
tell yourself (i.e., I’m too old. I’m too fat. Nobody loves me.
I’m never good enough. etc.); laugh at that piece of paper you
just wrote on; THEN tear it up and move on to the next strategy.
3. You may have heard the phrase “Attitude of gratitude.” Count
your blessings, which can include things people actually take
for granted, such as food and shelter, access to a computer, etc.
4. List your positive attributes and talentseverybody has them!
List at least five.
5. Make a list of what you love to do, starting from childhood
until now and try to find time to do it at least once a week,
even if it’s just for a few minutes.
6. List at least three things that you would love to have the
courage to do.
7. Surround yourself with positive people (think of volunteer or
professional organizations that have something in common with
your interests, for example).
If none of these strategies work over time, other factors may be
at play that are beyond the scope of this article.
Consistently employing these strategies will make it easier to
keep going even when the going gets tough. Especially when the
going gets tough! Whenever you are feeling low, you don’t have
to try and deny it. But do know that it will pass. Knowing that
it will pass will help you psychologically.
If you’re interested in seeing where you fall in terms of your
self-esteem, here is a site that I found very useful:
http://www.wellnessnet.com/testesarticle.htm. It also goes into
the hidden and surface self esteem concept in more depth.
Self-esteem is but one personal resource worth managing. It’s
important to be kind to yourself and have patience. Remember,
your best investment is in yourself!
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