The Pix Pixy

If you are getting a divorce from your spouse, you have a lot of planning to do. You will need to name your own beneficiaries, organize your divided assets, and set up your individual estate.

It is important that you meet with a qualified attorney to discuss the specifics of planning your estate to ensure that your wishes are carried out as you desire. You need to be well versed in the most strategic methods of dividing your joint estate so that you do not end up paying all of the taxes while he or she enjoys the benefits of your assets.

I have outlined some important information for you to be aware of when planning your estate after your divorce. Please keep in mind that divorces lend themselves to new structures for individuals. You will want to meet with a qualified attorney to discuss how to best protect your new estate.

Assigning Your Beneficiary
During your marriage, chances are your spouse was the sole or major beneficiary of your estate. After your divorce, it is important that you designate a new beneficiary on all of your documents and for all of your accounts.

The federal law called ERISA pre-empts state laws that automatically remove an ex-spouse as the beneficiary of retirement plans. Therefore, it’s important that you remove the ex-spouse as the beneficiary unless you wish for him or her to remain as your designated beneficiary.

Please note: Once you re-name your beneficiary, it is possible that your ex-spouse will still retain the rights to part of your retirement benefits that you accrued during the time of your marriage. I recommend consulting with a qualified estate planning attorney to determine just how much of your benefits and estate will be designated to your ex-spouse after your divorce.

Dividing Your Assets
During the course of your divorce, you and your ex-spouse determine how your joint estate will be divided. Take a minute to review a few assets that you will need to divide: 1) appreciated assets, such as mutual funds, and stocks; 2) real estate, including investments, repairs, insurances and mortgages; 3) personal property, such as jewelry, artwork and clothes; 4) retirement plans, such as qualified plans and IRA’s; and 5) your home, which can be divided in different ways to meet both parties’ financial needs.

Establishing a Trust
Many people will create a Trust to ensure that a designated Trustee will have control over funds after death. There are three Trusts that you can explore when planning your estate:

1. The Revocable Living Trust helps you avoid probate by allowing your Trustee to distribute your assets according to the instructions that you have outlined.
2. The Children’s Trust allows you to designate funds that your child will use later in his life to pay for his education, home, etc.
3. The Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust, otherwise known as “ILIT”, allows you to distribute the death benefit estate tax-free when and how you want, even long after you’re gone.

Divorce is never easy. It’s typically a very long and arduous process as both parties work to get their portions of the shared assets. If you’re going through a divorce it is important to speak with a qualified attorney who can walk you through all of the tax and asset considerations that you need to be aware of to ensure that you receive the best possible settlement.

Thomas McNally is the staff writer at the National Directory of Estate Planning, Probate & Elder Law Attorneys. McNally stresses the importance of finding a qualified estate planning attorney to ensure that your estate passes to whom you want, when you want, and is carried out in the manner you’ve chosen.

When we want to be successful at something in life, we usually don’t attempt to “wing it.” That’s why those who want to play the piano take lessons. No one can sit down at a piano for the first time and play Mozart or Beethoven. Sure, most anyone can peck on the keys long enough to figure out “Chop Sticks” or “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” but that’s hardly musical success. An instructor will teach us what keys produce certain musical notes, what techniques to use to access those keys and how to determine musical notes from written symbols in order to play pieces of music.

Once we’ve received basic education and training, it is up to us to practice and develop what we we’ve learned. After years of practicing, one can become adequate at making music with a piano. Clearly, success does not belong to a beginner.

Yet we often assume that success in marriage will come without any instruction or practice. Many times, we rely on some mysterious shared chemistry or compatibility and then when things don’t run smoothly, we assume that individual differences are to blame. In the sad cases, divorce lawyers entitle them, “irreconcilable differences.”

Usually those struggling in marriage don’t question their techniques or decide they are going to start practicing with a resource or a professional. Unmarried couples usually don’t seek to learn correct fundamentals and techniques to practice in their future marriage. Because of this, many people are setting themselves up for failure.

Here at Family Dynamics Institute, we have helped thousands of couples rebuild broken marriages and have helped good marriages prevent problems before they could ever develop. It’s takes hard work, but it is well worth it. If your marriage is in crisis, please contact us right away at 1-800-650-9995 to learn about our intensive seminar for troubled marriages. If your marriage is not in crisis but you fear it could fall into crisis, the following three points should offer some help in keeping your marriage from reaching a point distress. If your marriage is strong, the following should help you keep it that way.

Things to remember and practice:

1. Marriage is a team sport. In talking to couples in crisis from around the United States, I often hear only one side of the story. The side I hear is usually one spouse blaming the other for all the problems within their marriage. “If only he’d _________.” “If she wouldn’t ________.” I’ve been involved with enough couples to know that it is never completely one-sided. Sure, one spouse might share more of the guilt in hurting a marriage, like in cases of infidelity, but it is nearly impossible for one spouse to deserve all the blame. Don’t expect your spouse to do all the work in your relationship. Each marriage partner has enough to work on within without attempting to change or manipulate his or her spouse. Be a team player in your marriage and your spouse will likely do the same.

2. Become your spouse’s dream. When you were young, it’s likely you had ideas and dreams of your relationship with your future spouse. Your spouse did as well.

Perhaps one of the greatest mistakes people make in marriage relationships is to stop the courtship process. You remember that time in your life don’t you? When you were polite, kind, supportive, selfless, thoughtful, attentive, forthcoming and sensitive to your spouse? You made yourself into that dream. You learned what he/she liked you to wear. You learned what bothered, scared or hurt and you avoided those things. You found out what was important to him/her and you made it important to you even if it wasn’t before. Do it again! People don’t leave the spouse of their dreams. You’ll likely find that your spouse will do the same for you.

3. Tell people good things about your spouse. In front of him or even when he’s not there (the same goes for husbands about wives). If you focus on the positives in your spouse, you will find that he/she not only does more of those positive things but also adds new positives to the list. Thank him for cutting the grass or taking out the trash. Thank her for a delicious meal and tell others that she’s a great cook. Be sure to compliment him on his strong arms or intelligence in front of your friends. Tell her how beautiful you think she is. Tell him he’s handsome. Not only will your spouse appreciate the compliment, but you’ll find it easier to treat your spouse as you should because you will be programming yourself to respect and appreciate him or her.

Marriage takes practice and work, but the rewards are for a lifetime. Remember that great marriages don’t happen over night just as troubled marriages usually don’t become disturbed in a few days. Start on the path to being a team player in your marriage and don’t look back.

© 2005 Lee Wilson. All rights reserved.

Lee Wilson is on staff at Family Dynamics Institute. Family Dynamics attempts to prevent marriage problems by helping couples who are already in troubled marriages and by teaching those in good marriages to prevent major issues before they happen. Lee combats marriage problems from another angle with his web site for Christian singles by helping them find compatibility in possible marriage candidates. Lee hopes that his efforts will help to decrease the divorce rate around the world.